If you didn't know I've been home for the past 2 days. I'm a bit sick and in some pain. I'm not going to go into any deals just know its not that great over here.

Over the past few days I've been feeling more and more alone. Maybe its because I have to be suck here at my house or something else. I have talked to a couple of my friends and for the most part I seem to be of little interest to them.

I have a friend and when I called he seemed almost bothered that I called. He dominated the conversation and walk talking entirely about himself and his problems. I guess that's fine.. I know he is really stressed out about his job and school but I felt a bit left out as he didn't seem to have much interest in what was going on with me. I even asked him a small favor and he brushed me off the phone.

He ended up calling me later on in the day but by that point I honestly didn't even want to talk to him. I knew he wanted to vent some more and I listened and didn't say a word. I tried to tell him about something that was going on in my life but he steered the conversation right back to himself. Of course I had asked him earlier about a small favor but he didn't seem interested in what I had to say or even remember what I said for that matter so I thought "why even bother asking him". 

Then I just had to say "Ok good bye" I didn't even say "Well I'll talk to you later" because honest I didn't want to. I was really put off by the face that I have not really hung out with him in about 3 weeks and this weekend he is going off somewhere with his family just to get away. That's all great but of course it doesn't matter that I would like to get together with him and do something also. Well.. who cares.. I shouldn't.

My other friend is going thru some crap with someone that he is seeing and he need some help too. So as usual I did help him thru it and later he seemed mildly interested in what I had to say.

On top of all this my mother is out of town on vacation for God knows how long and my father is out of the country.

It's funny that when I was at the Doctors office he asked "Don't you have someone to help you out with all this while your ill?" and after thinking about it I responded "No, its just me". Just like it has always been, besides my family, I've only really been able to depend on myself and no one else. I know it not the greatest thing but at least I know I can always count on myself.

I find it when you do count on others they always disappoint you when you need them. So like I told the Doctor.. It's just me.. no one else.

Well I guess that's better then no one.